I had a drinking problem.
Was I drinking morning until night? No.
Would I finish off a bottle of wine by myself? Also no.
I don’t fit the “profile” of an alcoholic, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have a problem.
My personal relationship with alcohol has always been questionable. It never did me any good. It was always a part of the problem in my adolescent years, putting me in situations that l wouldn’t have been in was I sober.
Back in January, my dear friend @hithapalepu shared her dry January journey and a book called “Quit Like A Woman” by @holly. Two chapters in plus a couple conversations with my girlfriends and I did what I thought was impossible: I quit.
The breaking point for me this January came down to “intention”. My why. I was drinking at the end of a rough day. I started to look forward to the glass of wine or martini on those really hard days. I revelled in my nightcap to take the edge off. During the pandemic, I was really just drinking to drink. Maybe it was boredom, but most of the time it was due to anxiety and stress. There were nights I didn’t even want to drink, but because I had opened a bottle of wine the night before, I’d drink it.
Drinking became a habit. But having a drink, just ONE, is normal, right? I justified my nightcap, ignoring my why, due to societal norms and alcohol culture. Was it ruining my life? No. I would wake up and function fine. I would get my tasks done and never drank at odd times so according to society. This was normal.
But I didn’t feel normal. I was dependent. Dependent on that nightcap nearly every night. I found myself saying “I won’t drink this week” and then I’d still drink. I lost my sense of control and knew over time, it would destroy me. I didn’t want to wait until I was downing a bottle a night, so I stopped before I could hit rock bottom. Maybe it would’ve never happened that way, but I didn’t want to ever find out.
I know I’m not alone in this so I started a platform for the sober and sober curious Desi community @thesoberdesi. Here you inspire curiosity, connection, and sobriety.